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VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE
An Overview


"Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize."

-- Elizabeth Harrison

RAVEN defines abuse as any behavior that attempts to control or manipulate another person.

Control is the underlying aim of verbal and emotional abuse, and in people raised with a power hierarchy (usually a patriarchy, sometimes a matriarchy) the habit - the attitude - is so thoroughly ingrained they honestly know no other way to feel "in control" other than to control another person.

In such families the goal is to "win," not to resolve; to "own," not to share.

Successful manipulations of other people - sometimes bewilderingly clever - are cheered by fellow family members. "What moxy!" they'll say, or "you told her!"

Verbal and emotional abuse are the most insidious forms of abuse because, outside of the obvious name-calling and yelling variety, they are so difficult to define and describe.

Yet, the uninitiated victim of such behavior - a victim who lives by "sharing power" and cooperation - will experience hurt that ranges from confusion ("what just happened?" ) to downright emotional devastation and vanquishment.

The damage of verbal and emotional abuse to the victim, everyone agrees, is longer-lasting than even severe physical abuse. And the long-term prognosis for people who don't get away from chronic abuse of this type is dire, including later onset of physical and nervous disorders, addictions or sometimes worse.

See the Emotional Abuse Test - interactive and automatic scoring.

The best web site on the net on verbal and emotional abuse is verbalabuse.com. Run - don't walk - to this huge and comprehensive site. Spend some time there, if you can. It's a breath of fresh air to hear behavior that used to bewilder and hurt us clearly defined and our past hurts explained.

Run by the author Patricia Evans, who was the first to define Verbal Abuse in her ground-breaking 1992 book, Verbally Abusive Relationships, it has left no stone unturned.

Anyone serious about having romantic, satisfying long-term relationships will also want to read her books.

Why ruin a good thing with bad words and bad habits? Get this fixed - and start to have some fun!




The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse? If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life.




Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out; On relationship and recovery Oprah Winfrey This is a new day in America; the most important thing is to realize that you don't deserve to be treated that way.



   


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